The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 3: "Superwoman"

She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. (Proverbs 31:13-19 NLT)

THIS is the part of Proverbs 31 where many of us want to cry “uncle!” Who IS this woman?  When we start reading through this list it is easy to buy into the line that we are supposed to be “superwoman.”  I mean, really….this woman makes her own cloth and she goes to far away destinations just for proper food.  She is an economics master, and obviously could put Martha Stewart to shame with her skill set.  She gets up before the sun, and she goes to bed long after the moon has risen.  Better than that—she apparently does this all with great energy and strength!  She makes me tired just reading this partial list of what she does. 

Why does reading this list cause such a reaction in me (and maybe some of you, too) on some days?  Why is it that other days I find myself inspired to be more when I see all that she does for her family?

I believe that one possibility is this:  When we are reading this as a “checklist” to see if we “measure up” as a woman, it will quickly lead to frustration.  Comparison is always a dangerous game, and it is one that will always cause us to lose.  It is a trap.  When we compare her “checklist” to our checklist, we may feel that we don’t measure up.  Or, we can be so strangely competitive with this woman found within the pages of our Bible that we construct our own daily lists to top anything that she could ever consider doing—and we find ourselves burning out fast. 

When we find ourselves inspired by all that she does, what is different about our frame of mind and the posture of our hearts at that moment?  I believe that this again (as we learned on Day 2) ultimately boils down to a heart issue.  Her heart is to serve her family and do all that she can for those she loves.  When our hearts are looking to serve and we are dependent upon God to be our strength, then we become this “superwoman.”  Being “superwoman” isn’t about our own abilities and what we can push ourselves to accomplish.  It’s about simply being the woman God created us to be, and partnering with Him and His supernatural energy, wisdom, and Presence.  HE brings the “super” to our “woman.”  It’s a partnership, not a solo act.

Once our hearts are in the right place, what are a few practical things we can glean from this passage?

• Don’t be afraid of hard work.  Don’t be lazy.  This doesn’t just go for your job or cooking and cleaning.  The laziness trap is most deadly when it come to ourselves—our health, our bodies, our own spiritual walk.
• Do seek wisdom and then use it!  Pray and seek God’s wisdom and discernment with your decisions, and also have spiritual leaders in your life (people ahead of you in the journey) that can give you wise counsel.  [Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 NIV]
• Do know how to delegate DAILY.  Our Proverbs 31 woman plans what she will delegate when she prepares breakfast.  When do you prepare and eat breakfast?  EVERY DAY.  I believe it’s safe to say that every day we have tasks that could be delegated to others.  Remember to “do seek wisdom?”  If this one is hard for you (and I believe it is for many of us), ask God and your trusted advisers to help you identify and plan how to delegate in your own life. 

How can you incorporate the take-aways from these verses in your life this week?  If you are struggling with the comparison trap, ask God to give you a fresh perspective to some of the ways He created you and the women you see on a daily basis.  When we learn to appreciate how we have each been uniquely made, pressure is released, the burden lifted, and the comparison trap is crushed. 

The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 2

A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman–who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls. [Prov. 12:4; 18:22; 19:14.] The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely, so that he has no lack of [honest] gain or need of [dishonest] spoil. She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her. (Proverbs 31:10-12 AMP)

The "Proverbs 31 Woman" (proverbs 31:10-31) was written as an acrostic poem to give spiritual and practical understanding of what it means to be a woman/wife of noble character. While we may not all be married, there are still important virtues to glean from this first section.

First, it's apparent that not every woman is one of "noble character."  She obviously has to be searched out.  The Amplified Bible describes her as "capable, intelligent, and virtuous." Virtuous and noble are synonymous, but what do these words really mean? If you check out Merriam-Webster, you'll find that essentially these mean “of high moral character” or “chaste” [basically not having a sexual nature, or abstaining from such].  Seeing as how God placed Song of Solomon in the Bible, and if you study Paul's teachings, I am quite certain chaste was not the meaning intended concerning a man searching out a virtuous woman to be his wife. 

A second thing is quite clear:   when you are a virtuous woman, you are incredibly valuable.  We are able to be trusted completely.  Trust is priceless.  If you are able to explicitly trust someone, you are able to enjoy an immense peace.  Let’s ask ourselves some difficult questions. 

• Can you be trusted to be fully honest, yet loving in your honesty....even in the toughest situations? 
• Can you be trusted to always to look out for the best for your loved ones? What if the best for them means a more difficult journey for you?
• Can you be trusted to not only react well & celebrate in the good times, but to respond appropriately and lovingly when difficult situations arise?  

Our third focus based on this passage is to be a “builder of the good” within our household.  In order to be a builder of the good, we can’t be a “destroyer with the negative.”  Are we seeking to criticize or belittle those around us?  We can’t be a builder if our favorite tool is a wrecking ball.

 

Our lovely Proverbs 31 woman “comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.”  Certainly this can feel like a tall order.  Does him ONLY good?  That really doesn’t feel like it allows much room for error.  Young’s Literal Translation says it this way:

“She hath done him good, and not evil, all days of her life.” (v.12)

I don’t believe that this verse is calling for perfection.  That would quite frankly be a tall order we are each unable to fulfill.  However, when we look at Young’s translation we see that it comes down to a good ‘ole good versus evil scenario.  This begins to uncover more of a heart issue rather than mere action.  Are we acting out of a resentful or angry heart?  Or are we acting out of a heart filled with grace, love, and expectancy?

Practically speaking, whether you are currently married, engaged, dating, or single, this is an important foundation to build. 

• What if we each sought to become a woman who held to a high moral standard, was completely trustworthy in ALL our ways, and acted to be a “builder of the good” within our sphere of influence?
• What would our relationships look like?  How would that influence others within our circle? What about your children or the young people that are watching on a regular basis?
• What if we focused on our relationship with Christ in the same way as described in these 3 verses?

Which of these concepts is most difficult for you at this season in your life?  Make note of that in your prayer journal/notebook, and ask God to reveal the steps you should take to be shaped into the best version of yourself in that area.  He is always faithful when we seek after Him with our whole heart!

Living a Life of Transparency

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ~Gal 6:2

Jesus wept. ~John 11:35

For many years of my life I spent (what I didn’t realize) was a lot of energy making sure that everything looked picture perfect on the outside. I made sure my hair was perfect, my makeup was perfect, clothing perfect, and if you ever asked me how things were going….well, they were perfect as well. Some of you might think that it would be incredibly apparent to the rest of the world that there was no way that my life could always be perfect—but you would be wrong.

In fact, people bought my story. Sometimes, I even bought my story. When bad things did happen…I just put on a brave face, let the world know that everything was perfect, and would then do one of two things. Either I would cry and fall apart in my own private time alone, or I would bottle up every emotion I was feeling and would pretend that there was actually nothing to deal with…everything was fine.

Some of you may be able to relate. The problem is that these methods did little else but cause me to feel more isolated, more alone, and like there was no one else in this world that was facing a battle. Why did I feel this way??? Why do so many of you feel this way??? Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that’s the way the majority of us behave. We put on the good face; we put on the good show. There is an intense battle, but no one ever knows. You can be standing across from Susie who has just gone through what you are dealing with, but she can’t help you because you are both too proud and too concerned with the external appearance to share what is happening in your hearts.

We are afraid to be vulnerable. We are taught to burn bridges and build walls. But where does that lead us? It leads us to a place where we are not protected, but isolated from the outside world, and there is no way for anyone to be able to come save us. We feel lonely and out of touch. It’s a miserable place to be.

About four years ago I decided to make a change. It wasn’t a change that was brought on by some major revelation. It was a change that was brought on through necessity and some gentle guiding by a mentor in my life. The walls had to come down. They had been built up so deep and so high that I had become isolated and sank into a pit of depression and despair. Many people that know me are shocked to think that I would deal with depression. It was very real, very dark, and very ugly.

The road back was tough…..but OH so worth it! I actually had to learn how to be able to interact with people again on a level that went beyond the superficial. What I learned through the experience is to never discount the battles and struggles of others.

Most people won’t have to face that, and I am so thankful for those of you that never will. But some of you will have to learn how to let people in to your life. Some of you will need to learn that it’s okay to say that it’s a tough day, and you are struggling. Now here is a major balance point: Learning to be open doesn’t mean that everyone knows everything that is going on in your life all the time. Wisdom and discernment are still key. Being transparent also isn’t a free ticket to gossip about your friend, family member or significant other.

Being transparent is about other people......AND it’s about you. What are you dealing with, and how can that situation be used by God to be able to minister into someone else’s life…..how can it help provide hope? Ask God to help you to move further into the realm of a "real life" that impacts others, rather than settling for an empty facade.