The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 7: Lasting Legacy

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭30-31‬ NLT)

As women, we want to spend our most substantial efforts on the things that are the most long-lasting in our lives. This is why nurturing the relationships with and meeting the needs of our loved ones is so important and so deeply ingrained within us. With this in mind, we must remember that what we want to spend our greatest efforts on in our own lives are the things that will stand the test of time.

Our youthful beauty fades. We are reminded of this when we look in the mirror year after year. Our images transform into something else. And while we may have another kind of beauty as we age, the youthfulness we so often try to cling to disappears. It isn't wrong to take care of ourselves and our appearance. In fact, I believe taking care of our bodies is part of stewarding the resources we have been given. The issue (as with most things) is an issue of the heart. What is our motive? The quest for beauty can become an idol just like anything else. We must ask ourselves if outer beauty has become the focus of our life. If it has, it's not too late to shift your focus and priorities.

Charm is defined as "the power of giving delight or arousing admiration."  It is also defined as "to control or achieve by (or as if by) magic."  Charm is deceptive.  We aren't talking about the first kind of charm....we are talking about the latter.  You know to what I'm referring--batting eyelashes, changing your countenance, or accentuating other attributes to manipulate people or situations in order to get what you want.  You may think it's harmless, but the truth is it hurts you, the person you are manipulating, and your relationship. Very plainly, it is control and it is deception.  It's a tactic employed when you don't think that "playing by the rules" will get you the outcome you desire.  It may start out innocently, but it can quickly become a habit.  Allowing manipulation to rule your relationships will lead to resentment on both sides.  They will resent you because they know you are being manipulative.  You will resent them because you don't feel you can reach a positive outcome without manipulating them into doing what you want.   Manipulation is an erosion to the foundation of truth and trust in your relationships.

So what is lasting?  Our character is something that is lasting because it is something that effects our legacy.  The results of our character are what will outlast us, and will impact the generations to come.  This passage specifically talks about our fear of the Lord.  What does it mean to "fear" the Lord?  Doesn't the Bible talk about perfect love casting out all fear?

This type of fear is not the same type of fear that some of you may be thinking.  This is referring to "reverential awe."  We are simply amazed at our Lord.  We worship Him because of His greatness.  It is something that we are in admiration and amazement over because we simply cannot grasp His fullness.  It is awe-inspiring.  When we have that reverential awe and worshipful attitude toward our Lord, it changes how we look at everything around us.  It causes our perspective to shift.

Can you imagine living in such constant trust of your Savior because you are in such awe of Him? When we trust Him and His plan for our lives, we are obedient to what He calls us to do.  When we are obedient to what He calls us to do, the results do not rest on our own shoulders.  They rest squarely on the shoulders of the One that is capable to bring His plans for our lives to pass.

If you will humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, in his good time he will lift you up. (I Peter 5:6)

The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 6: What we give, What we get

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” (‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭26-29‬ NLT)
On this day 6 of 7, I hope that we are all beginning to see a pattern in our study. Several themes are repeated over & over again with respect to the characteristics of our Proverbs 31 woman. Our lady has tabs on her household and she's not a slouch.  If you need a refresher on these topics see day 2, day 3 (Superwoman), & day 5 (Peace, Love, & Clothing). The main point to remember is this: it all comes down to our hearts. 

So far we have learned a lot about what this woman does, but we only have a few glimpses into her personality....how she really treats those around her while she's out "being amazing."   We know that she is intelligent, capable, and that she comforts and encourages her husband.  This passage fleshes out another couple of details for us.  

First, she is wise.  Wisdom is different than intelligence.  Intelligence is obtaining and using knowledge.  Knowledge is simply facts, information, and familiarity.  Wisdom is able to appropriately apply that knowledge in the best way to make good decisions.  In order to speak wisely, we must consider the content, the motive, and the timing of our words.  You may be thinking "that's a lot to think about before I speak."  True.  Chances are our Proverbs 31 woman isn't speaking off-hand or flippantly.  (Ouch)

Also, she "gives instructions with kindness."  How many times are we demanding, nagging, or otherwise negative when we are instructing or making requests of those we love?  Tone says a lot, and it all comes from our hearts.  Remember, we must take care to take care of ourselves. (See day 5.)  When we spend daily time with God, our heart is full of Him and His presence.  We are able to respond from a full heart.  When we neglect the recharging and refilling of our hearts, our responses become harsh, bitter, and biting.  

Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick figs from thornbushes, or grapes from briers. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. (Luke 6:44-45 NIV)
Beth Moore has an AMAZING teaching on this called the Law of Kindness that you owe it to yourself to check out!  It's a 3 part series, and each segment is roughly 18 minutes each.  I can't stress it enough--Watch these!  No really.....seriously.  Take the time today.  (Have I made my point?)

The Law of Kindness- Beth Moore, Part 1
The Law of Kindness- Beth Moore, Part 2
The Law of Kindness- Beth Moore, Part 3

What are the results of our Proverbs 31 woman pouring her heart and soul into her family?  It's very simple.  Her husband and children feel loved, cared for, and respected, so the natural outpouring is that they speak highly of her.  She is honored. 

Is there any greater compliment that we would want to receive than being honored by those dearest to our hearts? 

The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 5: Peace, Love, & Clothing

She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭21-25‬ NLT)
Another day, another list? As we learned on Day 2, this passage isn't necessarily a checklist that we need to add to our daily routine.  Of course she makes her own bedspreads....the woman makes her own cloth for goodness sake!  But remember, she didn't have a Stein-Mart or Dillard's right down the block.  So what is this section of scripture really saying? 

1.  She takes care of herself and her household.  

Most of us have at least half of this down.  You make sure that your loved ones have what they need.  You take care to turn your houses into homes by stewarding your resources to the best of your abilities.  The most difficult part of this seems to be the part where we are supposed to take care of ourselves.  Our Proverbs 31 lady is dressing in fine linen and purple gowns--this is the stuff of royalty.  She is taking care to take care of herself.  Here's what's great:  it's not to the exclusion of her family--she isn't selfish.  She is simply doing what she does in every aspect of her life; she is being a good steward and manager of what she has been given (including her body), and treating all aspects of her life with care.  

2.  Her family has a leadership lifestyle.

Our Proverbs 31 woman is an upstanding lady, and her husband is also apparently well-respected. Based on our previous verses, it seems that she helps bring out the best in him.  I believe it would also be safe to say that he helps bring out the best in her.  They are involved in civics and business.  Perhaps we could say they are simply good model citizens.  

3.  Her clothing isn't the covering that people notice about her. 

Our woman is obviously dressed well, but that isn't the most important thing she wears.  She is clothed in strength & dignity...what could that really mean? Clothing functions as our covering, and it's what people often notice immediately about us.  It also serves as protection from the elements or our environment.  

By being clothed in strength and dignity, it is noticeable to the people that encounter her.  She doesn't have to point it out to anyone, just like you don't have to point out the fact that you (hopefully) remembered to put on a dress or pants today!  It's obvious in her interactions, in the way she carries herself.  You know women like this--they just have this aura around them.  You can see these traits as easily as you could a new outfit.  

Her dignity and strength of character are also things that help shield and insulate her from things that could be going on around her.  She is able to face the future with joy.  There is no caveat for circumstance.  When we live with character and integrity with our dependence upon God, we know that regardless of what we face, we will be able to face it head on.  Imagine: Laughing with no fear of the future.  It sounds a whole lot like peace and joy to me.  I don't know about you, but that is something that I crave.  

"Live in such a way that if anyone were to speak badly of you, no one would believe it."~Unknown

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)

The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 4: Got Compassion?

She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭20‬ NLT)

Compassion: (from Merriam-Webster)
Main Entry: com·pas·sion
Pronunciation: \kəm-ˈpa-shən\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French or Late Latin; Anglo-French, from Late Latin compassion-, compassio, from compati to sympathize, from Latin com- + pati to bear, suffer
:  sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it


How often do we allow our hearts to be broken by the things that break God's heart?  Our Proverbs 31 woman acts to alleviate the suffering of those around her.  Notice she doesn't just send help.  She also "opens her arms to the needy."  This speaks to embracing and comforting those around us that are hurting.  Sending help without sending love is corporate. Sending love without sending help is an excuse.  We get it right and it actually makes a difference when we do both.

Matthew West has a great song entitled "Do Something."  I believe his words speak more powerfully than mine ever could.  Take a listen to his official YouTube video, and let's pray that no matter where we are on the compassion spectrum, God will open our eyes and sink us even deeper into it.  May our eyes and hearts be open and observant, and our hands and feet ready to act.

The Proverbs 31 Woman (yes, her!)- Day 3: "Superwoman"

She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. (Proverbs 31:13-19 NLT)

THIS is the part of Proverbs 31 where many of us want to cry “uncle!” Who IS this woman?  When we start reading through this list it is easy to buy into the line that we are supposed to be “superwoman.”  I mean, really….this woman makes her own cloth and she goes to far away destinations just for proper food.  She is an economics master, and obviously could put Martha Stewart to shame with her skill set.  She gets up before the sun, and she goes to bed long after the moon has risen.  Better than that—she apparently does this all with great energy and strength!  She makes me tired just reading this partial list of what she does. 

Why does reading this list cause such a reaction in me (and maybe some of you, too) on some days?  Why is it that other days I find myself inspired to be more when I see all that she does for her family?

I believe that one possibility is this:  When we are reading this as a “checklist” to see if we “measure up” as a woman, it will quickly lead to frustration.  Comparison is always a dangerous game, and it is one that will always cause us to lose.  It is a trap.  When we compare her “checklist” to our checklist, we may feel that we don’t measure up.  Or, we can be so strangely competitive with this woman found within the pages of our Bible that we construct our own daily lists to top anything that she could ever consider doing—and we find ourselves burning out fast. 

When we find ourselves inspired by all that she does, what is different about our frame of mind and the posture of our hearts at that moment?  I believe that this again (as we learned on Day 2) ultimately boils down to a heart issue.  Her heart is to serve her family and do all that she can for those she loves.  When our hearts are looking to serve and we are dependent upon God to be our strength, then we become this “superwoman.”  Being “superwoman” isn’t about our own abilities and what we can push ourselves to accomplish.  It’s about simply being the woman God created us to be, and partnering with Him and His supernatural energy, wisdom, and Presence.  HE brings the “super” to our “woman.”  It’s a partnership, not a solo act.

Once our hearts are in the right place, what are a few practical things we can glean from this passage?

• Don’t be afraid of hard work.  Don’t be lazy.  This doesn’t just go for your job or cooking and cleaning.  The laziness trap is most deadly when it come to ourselves—our health, our bodies, our own spiritual walk.
• Do seek wisdom and then use it!  Pray and seek God’s wisdom and discernment with your decisions, and also have spiritual leaders in your life (people ahead of you in the journey) that can give you wise counsel.  [Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers, they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 NIV]
• Do know how to delegate DAILY.  Our Proverbs 31 woman plans what she will delegate when she prepares breakfast.  When do you prepare and eat breakfast?  EVERY DAY.  I believe it’s safe to say that every day we have tasks that could be delegated to others.  Remember to “do seek wisdom?”  If this one is hard for you (and I believe it is for many of us), ask God and your trusted advisers to help you identify and plan how to delegate in your own life. 

How can you incorporate the take-aways from these verses in your life this week?  If you are struggling with the comparison trap, ask God to give you a fresh perspective to some of the ways He created you and the women you see on a daily basis.  When we learn to appreciate how we have each been uniquely made, pressure is released, the burden lifted, and the comparison trap is crushed. 

Wooing the Heart of God

What is your view of God? Do you picture Him as some mighty Zeus-type figure in the sky that is ready to zap you and force His will and plans upon your life, no matter how miserable they cause you to be? Truth is, the Bible paints a very different picture. The Bible displays that God seeks relationship with you and me, and He listens to our cries and petitions. This morning, my connections class pastor mentioned starting a new series on the story of King Hezekiah soon. I love his story for a few different reasons, but perhaps the reason I love it most is because it shows just how God listens to those that earnestly love and seek Him. Let’s take a look at a few details about Hezekiah and his life.

Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lord in everything, and he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord had given Moses. So the Lord was with him, and Hezekiah was successful in everything he did. ~2 Kings 18:5-7a

Hezekiah had a track record of going to God whenever he needed advice or assistance. He stayed connected to God. The Lord was with him & Hezekiah was successful BECAUSE he was faithful and obedient to God. It’s a good model for our own lives. If you go back and look at 2 Kings 18:5, the Bible reiterates that Hezekiah trusted God & that there was no one like him among all the kings. That’s a pretty great endorsement of his relationship with the Lord. Later in Hezekiah’s life, his pattern for seeking the Lord became truly a life or death situation.

About that time Hezekiah became deathly ill, and the prophet Isaiah son of Amoz went to visit him. He gave the king this message: “This is what the Lord says: Set your affairs in order, for you are going to die. You will not recover from this illness.”

When Hezekiah heard this, he turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, “Remember, O Lord, how I have always been faithful to you and have served you single-mindedly, always doing what pleases you.” Then he broke down and wept bitterly.~2 Kings 20:1-3

God listened to Hezekiah and something truly amazing happened.

But before Isaiah had left the middle courtyard, this message came to him from the Lord: “Go back to Hezekiah, the leader of my people. Tell him, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of your ancestor David, says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears. I will heal you, and three days from now you will get out of bed and go to the Temple of the Lord. I will add fifteen years to your life, and I will rescue you and this city from the king of Assyria. I will defend this city for my own honor and for the sake of my servant David.’” ~2 Kings 20:4-6

God said to Hezekiah that He heard his prayer and saw his tears. What had looked like done deal (Hezekiah was told by God’s prophet Isaiah that he would die) was reversed! I don’t know about you, but this brings me hope!

My God, the creator of the universe, listens to my prayers. He not only listens to my prayers, but He is moved by my prayers and my tears. I know this, and have known this for quite some time, but as I reflect on this truth it moves me and humbles my heart. Psalm 56:8 says,

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

He knows every tear that has fallen as I have prayed and interceded. As I continue to petition to the heart of my God and seek intersession for those I love, it encourages me. It gives me strength to continue on the journey. I feel confident that my God will soon say to me,

“I have heard your prayer and seen your tears,”

And He will grant my heart’s petition, which I believe originated from Him as well.

Until....

Is it unfair to say that You are leading,
Then try and face this mountain on my own,
Why am I scared, I've never stopped believing,
And You never left me alone.
Well, I can get ahead of where you've led me to,
But I will trust Your heart enough to wait for You ...

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...

How could I have never seen this coming,
It's not like I've been running from Your will,
Tell me why each day's another mystery,
Waiting for Your truth to be revealed,
I try to tell my heart to trust what I believe,
And wait on You through all of my uncertainty ...

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...

Be still my heart of worry,
Be still my restless soul,
Be confident and certain,
Be still and know

Until this mountain moves,
Until the path is clear,
Until Your voice is the only one I can hear.
Until I see Your hand,
Until I know Your heart,
Until I trust the grace that's carried me this far
I will be still, until ...
Oh, I will be still, until

Lyrics courtesy of Mark Harris

What Matters Most....

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least." ~Goethe

My heart breaks this morning. As I hear the reports coming out of Vilonia and Northwest Arkansas, it causes me to pause and take note. Vilonia was my hometown’s “rival” growing up, and I consider Northwest Arkansas my second home after my years up there during both college and parts of my graduate education. The towns and especially the people, even those I don’t know, hold a special significance for me. So far, everyone I know is okay, although many have suffered extreme loss.

Times such as these cause me to reflect on my own life and the people that I hold most dear to my heart. We are not promised a certain number of days on this earth. Life is fragile, even though we like to think of ourselves as invincible. Possessions, while they can hold practical and even sentimental value to us, are poor facsimiles for what is truly dear to our hearts. If I am choosing to be completely honest this morning, my heart aches today for those that I want to protect—some from elemental dangers, some from other forms of it.

However, as I woke up this morning, I watched the sun streaming in my windows and one thing came to my mind, and it comforted me.

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. ~Lamentations 3:22-23

This scripture is from the book of Lamentations, and is actually in the middle of a heartbreaking cry from the writer. The writer still felt pain. The situation was still difficult—heartwrenching even. Those my heart aches for is unfortunately amplified today. I can’t change their situations. I can’t rescue. What I want to do out of instinct is futile. But my heart still trusts and it still hopes…and it still waits.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” ~Lamentations 3:21-24

Are you Ready??? Lessons in Love...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

This week is leading me to reflect quite a bit on love—what it is, what it isn’t. One of my absolute favorite passages in the Bible is the “love passage” in 1 Corinthians. I don’t love it for the mushy, gushy reasons that some people do. To me, if it seems all warm-fuzzy to you, you haven’t ever really been challenged in this area to truly love someone. This isn’t just a set of verses read at all of your friends’ weddings. It’s an honest assessment of what REAL love is supposed to be, and a challenge to those of us that claim to be in Christ to actually walk it out. If you’ve been tested in your love walk, it’s a set of truly poignant verses that are quite humbling. It may sound odd, but I count it as a privilege to have encountered such difficult trials in this area.

I know I have written on this subject before (see What’s Love Got to do with it?), but it’s one that I think is often looked at in passing. My goal today is to essentially give you some food for thought to digest over this weekend—to challenge you AND to challenge me. Also, with this weekend being Easter, our greatest example of love is plainly staring us in the face. God’s love for us through Christ is THE lesson in love.

Look again at Paul’s description of love from 1 Corinthians. At a recent conference, Beth Moore stated “True love always possesses a longing.” Joyce Meyer said today on her facebook feed “You can’t walk in love for free….it costs something.” Are you willing to face the longing if it’s never met? Are you willing to pay the price to walk in love?

Could you truly love someone if it cost you what meant most to you? What if it were a child, a family member, or a relationship you’ve prayed about? Can you love someone to the point of complete selflessness? The honest answer is that you and I are incapable of this kind of sustained selfless love on our own. It is only through the One that IS love that we can love someone even when we must die to self.

It’s a love that each of us is craving, and we become frustrated when the people around us cannot give us that truly unconditional, self-sacrificing love. We must first receive that love from our Heavenly Father before we are able to give it to others. This type of love requires motives to be checked regularly. You can’t “fake out” God when it comes to matters of the heart.

Take a few moments to look at the relationships in your life. Give an honest self-assessment of how your love walk is looking with these people. What is the number one way you can seek to increase your love walk right now? Go to the Lord to receive His love as a free gift….in return He will strengthen you to love those around you in ways that will astound you.

What’s Love Got to do With It?

Yes, I know that’s the title of a Tina Turner song….and a catchy one at that. But the kind of love I suspect Tina was talking about isn’t exactly the type of love I’m talking about here. As I thought & prayed about what topic to write about, I immediately knew—love. Not the gushy, feel-good, make-you-giddy kind of love, although that’s fun. I’m talking about the hard stuff—the UNconditional kind (agape); the kind that will test you to your very limits and say, “are you really sure that’s what you meant?” Agape can only be tested when faced with the most difficult character traits, flaws, short-comings, and circumstances of the ones we have decided to love. Agape isn’t based on what the other person is, can be, or even in how they treat you. It is a decision to love regardless of any condition.

Perhaps one of my very favorite passages in scripture is one that is incredibly prominent concerning love. We hear it at weddings, it sounds sweet and touching…but what about the challenge to live it? What about living it not only with the people that we “like” but also our enemies?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8a

I am currently in the middle of a journey that is testing my love-walk. This isn’t the first instance that my choice to love someone has been tested, and I’m sure it will not be the last. My personal details are not necessarily key. The fact that you are either on a journey with similar implications or will one day face one is the focus. I have learned (and am learning) that agape is:

Patient: willing to wait on God’s timing with a joyful and expectant heart

Kind: believing and speaking the best of others

Not envious: not jealous, resentful, or grudging

Not boastful: not speaking of self with excessive pride, exaggeration, or vanity

Not proud: not seeking satisfaction over something regarded as credited to oneself

Not rude: not being rough, harsh, ungentle, discourteous, or impolite—especially in a deliberate way

Not self-seeking: looking out for the best interest of the other party; putting personal interest and gain aside to seek what is best for the other

Not easily-angered: not irritable or easily provoked

Not a record-keeper of wrongs: not resentful, not a “score-keeper” (True forgiveness and mercy are staples of agape.)

Not delightful in evil/injustice/wrongdoing: not receiving enjoyment out of immoral or wicked deeds that would hurt or mislead the other

Pleased/Rejoicing in the truth: taking delight in honesty; interacting without deceit or manipulation

Always protecting: seeking to look after, guard, or shield appropriately

Always trusting: constantly and unquestionably confident

Always hoping: continually looking forward in faith with expectancy

Never failing: never giving up no matter the situation or circumstance; never passing away, dwindling, losing strength, or vigor

In our own limited humanness we are incapable of such a display of love. It is only through the power, mercy, and grace of our Lord through the Holy Spirit that we are able to have a love-walk that mirrors scripture. While agape can bring great pain at times because of its insistence upon endurance no matter what, it is also the one that can bring the deepest fulfillment. It is the only type of love that can truly point others to the person of Jesus Christ.

Who in your life do you need help to love without condition? An enemy that has wounded you deeply? Someone that is currently incapable of reciprocating love? Ask for God to give you His heart toward those individuals, and prepare to see your heart change and agape to grow.